The Christmas season has not got off to the best of starts this year. On Saturday we went to get our tree. As my wife is a Christmas fundamentalist (fatwas for anyone not having turkey on Christmas Day, jihad against any house without decorations, supplication before 'It's a Wonderful Life' five times a day, etc.), we of course went for the real tree. Don't get me wrong, I love real Christmas trees. The only problem is that they don't love me. I get a strong allergic reaction to the sap from evergreens. In recent years I have avoided any problems due to careful precautions and limited exposure. This year was different.

It seemed that we had found the perfect tree - a scots pine of just the right height to grace our living room, no bare bits, and a near perfect conical shape. The only problem appeared to be the bottom of the trunk, which veered off at a forty-five degree angle for the last six inches or so. We could feel the envious eyes of the other Christmas tree hunters boring into our backs, and knew they were ready to pounce if we dropped the tree for a second. The likelihood was that we would not get a tree anywhere near as perfect from the rest of the crop, and at home we knew had the Rolls Royce of Christmas tree holders on our side. We took it without hesitation.

Upon getting the tree home, we realised the error of our ways. After a number of protracted attempts to get the tree up, we could not even attain a Leaning Christmas Tree of Pisa level of uprightness. The trunk around the bent area was thicker, and would not go properly through the aperture in the base. In desperation we decided to cut the tree short just above the bend. I should say at this time that neither of us are the most DIY savvy people in the world, and all we could find in the house to help us was the cheapest of the cheap saw from a bargain basement DIY set. About half and inch into the trunk the saw started to jam. My wife and I took it in turns to try to make progress. Although I had gloves on, it was impossible to avoid contact with the tree which enveloped me at every available opportunity, weemingly sensing my vulnerablility and sending its sappy fronds up my jumper and around my neck and I tried to get some purchase on the saw.

Finally we got through and triumphantly replaced the tree on the stand, only to come straight up against our next setback. The stump of the tree was now not sufficient distance from the first main set of branches to be able to ground itself in the bottom of the stand, once again producing unerring erectile dysfunction. The problem was that after the first branches was a gap of at least a foot to the next ones. The bottom branches also, we then realised, contained a significant amount of foliage (needlage?). But we had no choice, and mournfully set about the task of recutting the trunk above the low branches. Once again, the task involved many close encounters of the sappy kind. To make things worse, about half way through we realised that there was a hacksaw under the sink. With the aid of this, we were able to complete the work in less than a minute, making us rue the fact that we had not been able to lay our hands on it earlier.

Finally, the now quite diminutive, bus still perfectly proportioned tree slotted neatly in the stand and stood proud before us, ripe for trimming, but it had left its mark on me, as I was to find out the next day.

Gradually the dry, blotchy rash has worked its way across my face, arms, neck and midriff, leaving my skin feeling chapped and sore. Today it has launched a shock-and-awe campaign on my fingers, and who knows where it will strike next? I am suitably rosy-cheeked for Christmas, but in a manner that could frighten small children. I have never heard of this allergy before, and don't know if it is common or not. I am applying moisturiser, and should really go to see the doctor, but my main tactic is just to cross my pimpled fingers that things improve before the holidays.

There seems to be a growing trend recently towards accusing people dissenting against a particular regime of harbouring more general grudges against entire nations or races. This has been evident in relation to several issues.

For example, criticism of the Bush regime is depicted by its supporters at every possible opportunity of reflecting a generalised 'anti-Americanism' on the part of the critics. There may be a large cross-over between people who oppose of this governernment and those who are against American corporate imperialism, but to extend this to hatred of an entire country is ridiculous, and the tarring of dissenters with this brush is not only unfair, it is dishonest.

The second example I have noticed with increasing regularity is allegations that criticism of Israeli policy is anti-Semitic (or Judaeophobic to coin a new buzzword). This is more claptrap. There is of course a full spectrum of political points of view among Jews, including an admirable liberal tradition going back for centuries. Even Israel itself has been a cause celebre for the left in the aftermath of the Second World War. It is only the subsequent aggressive Israeli policy vis-a-vis its neighbours which led so many question whether Israel is going too far. Whether one supports the robust militarist policies of the Sharon regime is entirely independent of any wider racist agenda, and all allegations to the contrary should be treated with the disdain they deserve.

Finally, this week's Commonwealth meeting provides another case of this particularly unsavoury rhetoric. The support of Robert Mugabe by other African leaders at the conference is defended on the grounds of racism on the part of the 'white' Commonwealth countries, and the fact that such countries could not possibly understand the African way. They also accuse these countries of being anti-Mugabe purely because of the fate of white farmers in Zimbabwe. They unforgivably ignore the plight of millions of starving Zimbabweans who are seeing their country ravaged by a man who is in power because of elctoral fraud, and who violently stifles all political dissent. In order to spite a 'white man's club', they have created a club of their own, a clique of African leaders committed to support each other before they think of their populations who suffer for their actions.

This type of jibe, whichever side of the political fence it comes from, needs to be dismissed at every opportunity in order to encourage debate on the issues, and not on demonised, polarised positions created by those eager to deflect attention away from subjects they would rather avoid discussing in any depth.

I just put Sitemeter on the page so that I can monitor the site traffic (if there is any!).

On the subject of political obfuscation, I cannot resist posting a link to the classic Jeremy Paxman vs, Michael Howard clash in 1997, when Paxo asked Howard the same question 14 times in a row without receiving a straight answer. The fun starts 4 minutes in. Great stuff!

If you were ever in any doubt as to whether Donald Rumsfeld talks crap, the Plain English Campaign have awarded him their Foot in Mouth Award for 2003 for this no nonsense, plain-speaking comment:-

'Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.'

I'm glad we've cleared that up then...

Winners from previous years include the following gems:-

'I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and somebody said I was a snake, I'd think 'No, actually I am a giraffe.'' - Richard Gere (2002)

'I think that [the film] 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.' - Alicia Silverstone (2000)

'At this moment in time, if that changes in years to come I don't know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along that is part of life's learning and part of your inner beliefs. But at this moment in time I did not say them things and at the end of the day I want to put that on record because it has hurt people.' - Former England football manager Glenn Hoddle 'explaining' his earlier comment that disabled people were being punished for misdeeds in a previous life. (1999)